PAM'S STORY
Pam was married to her husband Butch. They spent their married life in the mission field. She is a faithful member of Until We Meet Again - the weekly peer-support group for grieving spouses that inspired My Little Blue House. She was the first person to hear it in its inception and said, "You're going to make people cry."
Over time, she started to share her thoughts in her writing. Her giftedness is apparent. We are grateful to her for allowing us to share her gift and perspective with you here.
A Giant
Grief is an imposing giant, but not an undefeatable one.
Pam Strickland
8/30/20232 min read
A giant has invaded my house. He is big, boisterous, and belittling. He is the king of trash talk. His name is Grief, and he has come to do battle.
His is the only voice I hear. He screams lies at me - lies about who I am, what I can do, and where my strength comes from. He taunts me and tells me this fight may kill me. I am not confident in my ability to beat him. Everything Grief says makes the truth seem illogical.
This giant has come prepared! This is not his first confrontation. His warriors are battle-ready and skilled in the art of war. Husbands, wives, sons, and daughters before me have faced this same giant. Their victory was hard-fought and some never came home victorious. Grief brings weapons against me that I have not studied; lies, depression, despair, loneliness, confusion, and helplessness.
Why was I not prepared for this battle? I built my life on the truth. I had a firm foundation of faith and theology. I had even gathered my own army - soldiers who promised to fight with me. They told me victory was attainable. This giant confuses my army into retreat. They are unwilling to fight this long and this hard. I must fact this giant alone.
This giant is fierce. He will not give way to my wounds. He continues this duel even as I bleed to death. He wants to take me prisoner - a captive to sorrow and hopelessness. He boldly shouts that my surrender is best - let sorrow take me where it will. Grief knows my weaknesses and what breaks my heart. He takes me there often.
Every battle has its breaks - when fighting halts for a season and soldiers can regroup and replenish for the next engagement. This is when I remember the truths I have learned from my youth - that wars are won and giants can be beaten. They do not fall easily, or at the first blow, but they do fall. It often takes a large army and prolonged fighting to drop a giant. But it can be done with a stone. A small pebble rightly places. A small pebble of truth. Those truths that have sustained me. God is faithful. He is my defender and strong tower. I am loved beyond all comprehension and there is a full and complete life ahead. This is the Gospel truth!
I may not silence this giant called Grief with the first pebble I throw. But with a continuous barrage of truth-telling he will fall. This Grief may die a slow death - but the weaker he becomes, the stronger I will be. -Pammy, August 2023
"Most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself." -Martin Lloyd Jones
